This means WAR

About this time every year an upward surge in the spider population inside the house occurs. It's pretty intense. You don't have to look very hard to find one of these disgusting arthropods. And every year we get a species of spider that I like to call Harold. I don't know exactly what kind they are but they are HUGE, light brownish, and wicked fast little buggers. They are characterized by their large size and a light stripe which runs vertically down their bodies.

I found one earlier today right here in the computer room. When I tried to kill it, it ran underneath the brown rockingchair and I couldn't get to it. I came back a while later and there was one out here in the open, but it eluded me again, escaping to its good old chair. I think there's a colony under there. I gave up and began watching TV. After a while I noticed a specimen out in the hall, a foot or so from the computer room door. This time he wasn't going to get away. I was feeling quite homicidal. I grabbed one of my sister's shoes lying around and I struck at it. I must've hit it on the side or something because it popped up into the air and did some flips. Then, its mangled body wriggling in pain, I made my fatal blow, killing it. It may sound harsh, but hey, this is my philosophy: You're in the house, you die. Plain and simple.

An hour or so later, I walked into the computer room once more only to find a second Harold spider. This time it was at the east end of the room. This one was FAT. I made a move towards it and it tried to flee, but my skills with a shoe were too much for the pitiful creature. This one pretty much exploded; it was so BIG. Its opisthosoma (butt) was bloated and (as one could easily tell from the messy death) full of pus. I think it was with child. I don't really know why this guy was full of a nasty dark yellowish liquid, but it got everywhere. It was disgusting.

A couple years ago we managed to capture two or so of these Harold spiders. One of them was actually carrying tons of tiny little baby spiders on its back. We were lucky to catch them all in one swoop. I watched them through the glass of the jar for hours. It was fascinating. But fascinating or not- the return of the Harold can ultimately mean only one thing: ..................................................................WAR!!! Bring it on.